Your cell Phone is awfully quiet. No texts, no calls. No “Likes” or message on Facebook. No social plans on your calendar.
We've all been there--some seriously lonely days and nights where we feel like no one loves us or cares about us.
Even if you know “no one loves me” may not exactly a true statement, when the lonely winds are blowing, you can't help but feel you're all alone.
And what do you do when you're feeling lonely? Binge eat? Go partying and drinking? Call your old fling?
Instead of doing something you might perhaps regret later, try these suggestions next time you're feeling lonely.
1. Call someone you care about.
When you're feeling lonely for whatever reason, you may be isolating yourself even more, knowingly or unknowingly. “They don't reach out to me. Why should I call?” you may say. But this is exactly the reason you should reach out first.
Ask yourself questions:
Have I been reaching out to people?
Could I have been out of touch maybe just as much as they have?
Could they have felt unloved by me?
Pick someone you're fond of and not mad at. And call him or her with an intention to bless him with your words of fondness. Don't call with an intention to get love but intent on giving love, by expressing how much you miss him and how happy you are to hear his voice.
Your fondness will return back to you. You will also feel good about yourself for making another person feel a little more loved.
2. Go hug a tree.
No doubt some of you will find this silly but it's really a wonderful thing to do when you're feeling lonely. It can actually feel as good as hugging a real person.
I recommend going to a quiet place where there's a patch of nature with not a lot of people around (you may feel just a tad self-conscious hugging a tree in front of other people).
Find a nice huggable tree that appeals to you. Give it your whole-hearted hug. (Remember it's a living being.) Stay in your embrace for a bit.
Whenever you hug a tree with your whole heart, you may find that you get the same feeling in your heart you get, hugging a real human being: the feeling of love. I believe that the tree loves you back because it's a conscious being (you probably do too if you embrace the woowoo stuff like I do), and aside from that, you may realize that love comes from your own heart, and not from anything external.
This is also a wonderful way to realize the interconnectedness of all things. You're not separate from any thing.
Tree is rooted in the soil. Soil transfers water to the tree. Tree converts energy from the sun. Tree gives oxygen to you.
We are all connected, no matter how separate we feel.
[If you want a step by step instructions to do this process, click Here to download my free guide.]
3. Watch, listen, or read something inspiring.
When you're in your loneliness, you can get caught up in the dreadful stories your mind spins out. “I'm a loser. No one likes me. Something is wrong with me.” And on and on and on.
Your mind needs a cold splash of inspiration. Inspiring thoughts are unlikely to come from your mind when you're feeling low (though they can with the right tools and practice).
Instead of churning out the same dreadful thoughts from you head, feed your mind with something uplifting. (TED Talk is a good place for inspirational messages.)
I personally like to listen to Wayne Dyer, Joel Osteen, Deepak Chopra, Thich Nhat Hanh, and many more. I like to have some audio recordings ready in my iPhone so when the loneliness strikes, I have a set of go-to audio companions.
4. Feel your loneliness.
This is so important, but a lot of people avoid this by numbing their feelings with food, drugs, alcohol, etc.
Sit with your loneliness for a moment. This does not mean, sit with your thoughts and your story about how miserable your life is.
I want you to feel the deep longing in your heart that comes from your desire to connect with other human beings in a deep, meaningful way. This is a basic human need. I want you to allow yourself to feel this need without judging.
How to transform loneliness:
1. Find 10 minutes of uninterrupted time alone.
2. Turn off any electronic devices.
3. Sit comfortably on the floor or chair.
4. Think about your lonely thoughts.
5. Notice the sensations that come up when you think about these thoughts.
6. Locate the sensations. Where do you feel them? Chest? Throat?
7. What is the texture and quality of the sensations? Are they warm? Cold? Buzzing? Tight? Expansive?
8. Sit with them and feel them fully for a moment and don't try to make them go away.
9. Stay with them and don't rush.
10. Notice any shift.
11. After you felt the sensations fully, start to breathe deeply into the area of sensations.
12. Continue to breathe deeply into the area for a few breaths.
13. Now, as you inhale deeply, imagine a light of compassion emanating out of the middle of your chest and spreading out to your entire body.
14. As you exhale, feel your body relaxing and releasing tension.
15. Continue to breathe in this way for a minute or two.
16. Come back to your normal breathing and open your eyes.
***Remember, all these suggestions are for you to actually experience. Just reading them will not bring you the change you seek. So try them when you're feeling the loneliness!
Please comment below if you have a tool you use when you're feeling lonely. I would love to know!